Hey 3234 Fam,
Are you genuinely happy?
Can you find happiness without achieving success? Is it possible to be happy even if your lifelong goals are still out of reach?
Many of us think, “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, when my bank account hits a certain number, when I have a bigger house, or when I get a leaner physique.” If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re definitely not alone.
We often chase after happiness, constantly moving the goalposts and missing out on the present moment. We wait for that ultimate achievement, believing only then will we be happy.
But here’s the thing: achieving goals rarely brings lasting happiness because happiness isn’t a destination. So what exactly is it?
Happiness is hard to pin down. While I can’t give you a precise definition, I can tell you what happiness isn’t.
Happiness isn’t something we can pursue, nor is it a destination we arrive at. It doesn’t depend on money, material possessions, awards, or accolades. It can’t be given or taken away by others or by circumstances. Often, we confuse contentment with happiness, and we mix it up with moments of joy.
Feelings, as we know, are fleeting.
They come and go. One moment you might feel joy, and the next, you might feel sadness or frustration. The absence of joyful feelings can leave us feeling “unhappy,” leading us to question everything. But if we pause and reflect instead of reacting to those feelings, we might see that we’re actually content with life. Negative feelings are temporary, and they will pass. It’s all very confusing and cyclical, right? I KNOW!
This has led me to explore what leads to true happiness.
The pursuit of happiness isn’t easy. It’s often downright confusing. In my work, I get to hear about the struggles people face and how they bounce back (or don’t). It makes me wonder: How do some people seem unhappy when they have it all? And why do others, who have very little and face major challenges, seem content?
I recently read “10% Happier” by Dan Harris and “The Happiness Advantage” by Shawn Achor. It turns out, there’s a lot of research on happiness and achieving life contentment regardless of circumstances. After much observation, reading, and thinking, I believe that happiness is a choice—one we need to make over and over again.
Choosing to be happy takes practice. It requires the ability to consistently return to a positive mindset. In tough situations, slipping into negativity and playing the victim might feel easier. Therefore, looking on the bright side has to be a constant practice—a mission.
In “The Happiness Advantage,” Achor explains why a positive growth mindset is key to feeling better and provides seven principles for success in work and life. Happier people achieve more!
One principle answers a common question: “How can I be happy in the face of difficulty?” Even worse: “How can I be happy when I fail?” Achor coined the term “failing up” to describe a receptive and optimistic approach to failure.
He doesn’t suggest celebrating failure—that would be strange. The point is to accept failure so we can move up (not down) despite adversity. Achor writes: “On every mental map after crisis or adversity, there are three paths. One that keeps circling around where you currently are (i.e., the negative event creates no change; you end where you start).
“Another path leads you toward further negative consequences (i.e., you are far worse off after the negative event; this path is why we are afraid of conflict and challenge). And one, which I call the Third Path, that leads us from failure or setback to a place where we are even stronger and more capable than before the fall.”
By choosing the third path, we look at what happened and think about how the next step or series of steps could help us grow. What next step could lead us to improve the situation so that we come out stronger than before?
Think about failing a big exam.
Students with an optimistic outlook don’t play the victim; they don’t sulk or blame the test or instructor. They accurately assess that the outcome wasn’t what they’d hoped for and see an opportunity to improve.
They’ll start attending all lectures and taking better notes. They’ll spend more time studying and less time on social media. Most likely, they’ll excel in the next test. Maybe they’ll even discover a passion for the subject and go on to become a professor. But it never would have happened if the student hadn’t failed at first.
We all know life isn’t free of difficulties. The smooth, frictionless ride we dream about exists only in fairy tales. And honestly, you wouldn’t want it anyway. You’d end up unchallenged, bored, and unhappy.
So the next time adversity strikes, try viewing it differently. Is there a hidden opportunity? How can something positive come from this? How can you help yourself or others with the lessons learned from this difficult situation?
Want to learn more? Add “The Happiness Advantage” and “10% Happier” to your reading (or listening) list. Changing your approach to life’s obstacles can change how you feel day to day. Keep your power and choose to see the bright spots through the darkness. Learn from your failures. Build resilience and tolerance for the tough stuff.
Even better: Look at failure as an opportunity to grow. Next time you fail, fail up!
We’re here to celebrate your success and help out with your failures. If there is something we can do to help you out, please let us know!